Jokes!

[Kresslack]

Post 'em if ya got 'em.

These three guys dye on Christmas Eve, and they get up to the Pearly Gates and St. Peter is there waiting. St. Peter says, "Before you can pass through these gates, each of you has to show me something representing something else related to Christmas." First guy pulls out a match and strikes it and says, "This represent the Eternal Candle of Hope and Joy." St. Peter lets him pass. Second guy pulls out a set of keys and shakes them saying, "These are Jingle Bells." St. Peter lets him pass. The third guy pulls out a pair of red, lace panties from his back pocket and holds them up. "Panties? How does that symbolize anything to do with Christmas?", asks St. Peter. The man replies, "These are Carol's!"

[xyoa]

Paddy is walking along a highway holding out his thumb, loads of cars ignore him and carry on driving. Eventually a black mercades (with the mercades hud ornament that kinda looks like a target) stops next to Paddy, Paddy gets into the car and asks the driver "whats that hood ornament for?" the driver thinks "i'm gonna have a bit of fun here" then says "well Paddy anyone who gets in my sights i run 'em down. Your very lucky i didn't run ya over." "you being seriouse?" paddy replies Driver says "O' course, i'll show ya when we get to the next village"

Once they reach the village the driver sees an elderly woman crossing the road ahead, he turns to Paddy and says "Watch this Paddy" Paddy tries to plead with the driver "No, please mate don't..." the driver speeds up, driving straight towards the woman. At the last second he swerves to miss the woman, but he still hears something go under the car... Paddy turns to the driver and says "I think you need to get them sights seen to mate" "Why do you say that?" replies the driver, Paddy says to the driver "Because if i hadn't of opened the door you woulda missed!"

[Alearis]

A king was preparing to ride off on a quest. Before he leaves, he locks up the queen with a chastity belt and calls in his most trusted knight and hands him the key. "Sir Percival, here is the key to my queen's honor. Should I fall in battle, it is to you to release her from her belt so she might marry again." He then leaves on his journey. At the top of a hill, he turns back for one last look at his castle and is surprised to see Sir Percival riding breakneck in pursuit. "My lord, my lord....wait! You have given me the wrong key!"

[Alearis]

A Spaniard travelling on the way alighted at a poor inn, and they
asked him his name. He answered, "Don pedro Gonzales Gayetan de
Guevara." Whereunto they replied, "Sir, we have not meat enough
for so many."